Ninja Boy Nathan!
by lain.silver05
Summary: Instead of Cartoon Network, 4Kids has dubbed the series!  What will happen to Naruto! Can the world survive the exploits of NINJA BOY NATHAN?


I don't own Naruto. That's Kishimoto. I don't own 4Kids... I don't want to know who does.

THE HORROR! 4Kids just got their creepy clutches on the Naruto anime! What will become of our beloved show! Get ready for NINJA BOY NATHAN! Bad voice actors, random renaming and censorship galore! Get ready to hate 4Kids more than you've ever done!

Okay, this might be confusing so here are the names of characters in this chapter

Nathan: Naruto

Rosie: Sakura

Slade: Sasuke

Isaac: Iruka

Kevin: Kakashi

Mr. President: Sandaime Hokage

Mizuki: Stayed the same because some dude randomly thought it was a good idea.

Ninja Boy Nathan, Episode 1. Enter, Ninja Boy Nathan!

A long time ago far away, a giant beast walked around and stepped on things. The beast, a giant fox, made the mistake of trying to step on a village of social workers...

"_BOSS!" Minion/ screenwriter/ adapter #1 screams shrilly. "We can't make it a village of social workers!" Minion 1 gulps as Boss swivels around in his swivel chair and stared at him coolly._

"_Do you understand how violent ninja are?"_

"_Yes... but... but... we do plan to censor some of the violence. Can we PLEASE leave it as a village of ninjas?" Boss thought for a moment._

"_Peaceful ninjas."_

"_BUT! They'll be like hippies!"_

"_Hippies are good," Boss intoned. "Love and peace and all that."_

"_Hey," Susan-from-the-cubicle-down-the-hall stuck her head in as she passed. "Didn't hippies do drugs?"_

_Boss blinked slowly. "Then it's got to be social workers."_

_Susan-from-the-cubicle-down-the-hall smiled. "Great idea Boss. Just be sure to censor the parts where the social workers take kids from sexually abusive and drug addict parents!"_

_Boss and Minion 1 looked at each other as she left. "So, Boss... ninjas?"_

"_We can do ninjas."_

_Susan-from-the-cubicle-down-the-hall smirked to herself as she goes back to her hole of a work space. Hidden under her jacket is her sign of allegiance to THE CAUSE, a tiny Japanese flag with the words "Say no to DUBS" written across it._

A long time ago far away, a giant beast walked around and stepped on things. The beast, a giant fox, made the mistake of trying to step on a village of ninjas. In a mega fight, one ninja defeated this fox. This ninja was called the Fourth President.

4Kids presents: NINJA BOY NATHAN! X-cue bubblegum-pop theme music-X

_If I could have one wish on a shooting star_

_I'd have it fly me to where you are._

_Oh don't you know _

_how much a love you._

_Don't you know_

_how much I need you._

_A/n: don't you know how crappy 4Kids songs are? We don't need to go any further._

"Nathan!" A ninja yelled as he chased a fleeing yellow haired boy. "Nathan get back here!"

Nathan laughed hysterically, his bucket swinging wildly as he ran. A second ninja sped after the first, but Nathan managed to keep ahead of them both. Still laughing, he leaped forward. As his feet came in contact with a rooftop, hidden springs in his shoes bounced him forward. After all, there's no way people can really jump that high, right?

"Nathan you're not going to get away with this!"

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"Mr President! We have a problem!"

Mr. President put down his painting. "Let me guess. Nathan did something again?"

"He painted on the faces of Mount Rush-less, our ninja-esque and therefore far cooler knock-off of the American historical monument that doesn't exist in this reality!"

Mr. President simply sighed.

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The pair of ninja race past an innocent looking fence in their search for the notorious Nathan. As soon as they go by you suddenly realize that the fence isn't really a fence, but Nathan holding up a sheet! Go Nathan!

"Ha!" Nathan rubbed his head in satisfaction. "Piece-a-cake!"

"NATHANIEL DWIGHT ZUMA!"

Nathan jumed 3.145 feet high and landed on his rear, the hair on the back of his neck prickling in that 'Damn, I got caught' way.

Correction! Damn is unsuitable. His neck was actually prickling in that 'oh my goodness, I got caught' way. Back to the story.

Behind him stood a person whose face was even scarier because of the fact that it was usually smiling.

"Hehe... Iruka sensei... I mean, Teacher Isaac! Whatcha do that for?"

"What are you doing skulling school?" Isaac pointed grandly and yelled. Then, because of the compassionate person Isaac was, he dragged Nathan back to class and _then_ lectured him in front of the class.

"You've been held back twice already Nathan! And your midterms sucked! You can't be fooling around!"

We notice that Nathan is tied quite tightly with rope to prevent his escape. The editors realize this as well and suddenly 'poof!', Magical Rope-Disappearing-Skill-Thing! Can't have child abuse in school settings now could we?

"Everyone! We're going to do the practice exercise _again_. Everybody does it, even those who already passed!" The class groaned at Isaac's announcement.

"I'm going first!" A pink-haired girl proclaimed. She folded her hands into some formation or the other "Magical Disguise Skill Activate!" In her place stood a smug replica of Teacher Isaac.

"Good work Rosie!" Isaac praised.

"Yay!" Rosie bounced in happiness, her red bow bobbing with her. "Did you see me Slade?" Slade didn't answer, and simply moved to take his turn.

The other students all went and did fairly averagely. Then it was Nathan's turn.

"Magical Disguise Skill Activate!" In a puff of smoke there was...

"_OH MY -CENSORED- -CENSORED-! WHAT THE -CENSORED- HELL IS __THAT!_?" _Minion One cringed and pretended not to notice the trickle of blood at the Boss' nose... Oh right, only anime people get nose bleeds... anyway_

"_It's called the 'Ninja Centerfold' sir. It's a running joke in the series."_

"_It's got to go. Make it an old man._

"_Can't we just put a swimsuit on it?"_

"_We have the gender-bending to worry about."_

_Minion one smiled. "I think I have an idea."_

... there was...

"It's PIKACHU!" Isaac was thrown back by the sheer cuteness of the yellow rat-thing.

Nathan undid the transformation and guffawed. "Gotcha! I call it my Too-cute-for you-transformation!"

"IDIOT!"

"_Is it okay for a teacher to call a student an idiot?"_

"_Who knows. Let it slide."_

"_Right Boss."_

"Don't invent such a useless skill!" The frazzled teacher yelled.

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"And you're not going anywhere until you clean off every speck of paint!" Isaac called down from his perch a-top one of the head of Mount Rush-less.

Nathan glared up sullenly, shiny goggles paling in comparison to his bright orange jumpsuit. "It doesn't matter anyway! There's no one waiting for me, since I'm an orphan with all of its plot suggestive angst-ness."

The brown haired teacher was overwhelmed by the concentration of pre-teenage angst.

"Nathan... if you finish quickly we can go for spaghetti."

"YAY!"

At the spaghetti store Nathan gobbled down his second bowl.

"Hey Nathan, why did you draw mustaches on the Presidents? Even the one that looks just like you which adds to your angsty and plot-suggestive orphan-ness."

"Cuz!" Nathan slurped up a mouth-full of noodles. Someday I'm gonna run for president! And I'm gonna be the best! I'm gonna make everyone look up to me! Oh, by the way Teacher, can I borrow your bandana?"

"My..." Isaac's hand reached up to touch the metal-plate thing. "Sorry Nathan. This shows that you actually graduated. You have to wait 'til tomorrow."

Nathan sulked. "Buy me more spaghetti!"

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"Okay everyone, the exam will be on the Magical Multiplying Skill."

Nathan immediately panicked. The Magical Multiplying Skill was his worst one! Too soon Teacher Isaac called him into the exam room.

"Magical Multiplying Skill Activate!" Nathan blinked and looked over at his magical Multiple. It looked like a

"_Ack! This is a kids show! No Corpses!"_

"_We could try Pikachu again sir."_

"_No, no. Let's try..."_

Nathan looked in horror at where his Multiple should have been. In its place was a giant frozen fish.

"YOU FAIL!" Isaac yelled, his eyes twitching.

"Teacher Isaac," said Teacher Mizuki who for some odd and totally random reason managed to keep his Japanese name. "He had good form. And he did create something. Maybe we could pass him."

"Yeah, but that wouldn't help at all in a match. All the other students managed an actual multiple. I can't pass Nathan."

Editor's note: the Mizuki talks to Naruto scene was cut to make space for these commercials...

Now, back to the show.

"Teacher Isaac!" It was the middle of the night and someone was pounding on Isaac's door. "Hurry!" Mizuki, now identified as the someone, yelled as soon as the groggy ninja teacher answered the door. "Nathan stole the Super Secret Recipe for Ninja Magic!"

"No! Not the Super Secret Recipe for Ninja Magic!" Isaac yelled. "I'll be right there!" He dashed inside and performed the Magical Quick-dressing Skill and materialized ninja clothes over his long thermal underwear.

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"Ok, let's see." Nathan's bright yellow hair peeked over the top of the Super Secret Recipe for Ninja Magic Book. "The first recipe is Magical Many Multiplier Skill. Noooooo!" The boy shrieked. "Multiplying is my worst technique!"

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"Mr. President! This is far beyond a prank!" Random ninja who from this point on we shall call Bob said angrily. "The Super Secret Recipe for Ninja Magic was written by the first President!"

"Yeah!" Ninja Joe agreed. "What if Betty Crocker gets it? It'll be the end of the world!"

The President contemplated for a moment. "Bring Nathan here."

"Yes sir!" And the Ninja Guard vanished using the Magical Move Fast Skill, leaving behind only smoke.

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Isaac glared down at the panting boy, who didn't seem affected by his look of DOOM.

"I only got to learn one of the skills Teacher Isaac! But now you'll let me graduate right?"

The man's eyebrows furrowed even deeper. "Who told you that?"

"Teacher Mizuki! He said if I learned a skill from the Super Secret Recipe for Ninja Magic Book then I could graduate!"

Comprehension dawned on Isaac. Suddenly he leapt forward and pushed Nathan out of the way. Out of nowhere, a rain of knives came directly...

"_No no no," Boss said, shaking his head. "Knives are much too violent. And look at that, he's bleeding."_

"_We can't take the knives out sir. But maybe we can color over the blood?"_

"_Good. Find someone to color over that."_

Although one of the knives hit Teacher Isaac, the Magical No-bleed Skill made sure the show was still G-rated.

"Nathan! Give me the Book!" Mizuki called from a nearby tree.

"Huh! What's going on?"

Isaac pulled the knife out of his foot. "Run away Nathan, run away and never return!"

"_Is it okay to use Lion King references sir?"_

"_Bah, no one cares."_

"Mizuki tricked you so he could get it!"

"Isaac just doesn't want you to have nice things Nathan!"

"Don't listen to him!"

"I'll tell you a secret. No one was supposed to tell you but 12 years ago the Fourth President sealed up a giant stomping fox. That monster is you Nathan! And Isaac didn't tell you because the monster killed his parents, so now he hates you!"

"Nathan! That's not true!"

"Don't you wonder why nobody likes you? Did you think it was B.O.?

Confused and angry, Nathan started to power up, his fists clenched as all the raw emotion over the years came flooding back.

"Now you die!" Mizuki grabbed one of the giant round saw blades off his back and threw it at Nathan.

"Nooooooooooo." Isaac ran and jumped in front of the blade.

"Why?" Nathan looked up in shock.

"Because we are the same. We had the same past... except for the fox thing. I used to cause trouble in class too. It's because you're lonely Nathan."

"_Let's cut to the chase, shall we?"_

There is a lot of running around and finally Nathan realized that Isaac was the one who really cared for him.

"Don't you dare hurt him! Our I'll kill... bite you!"

"Ha, you is like little yapping dog, Nathan! Yap, yap! I beat up little yapping dog!"

_Minion one blinked at the screen. "Wait... what?"_

"_The voice actor quit halfway through the episode," Boss said nonchalantly. "The only person available was this Russian guy. I think he did pretty well, considering._

"Not if I beat you up first!" Nathan made a hand seal.

"Ha! You mek me laf!"

"Magical Many Multiplier Skill Activate!" Instantly the clearing in the forest was filled with Nathan Multiples.

"Cool!" Isaac exclaimed. "He did it!" He started monologuing to himself. 'This is really advanced stuff where the multiple is actually solid! Amazing!'

Mizuki looked around in horror. And all the Multiples beat up Mizuki. And Mizuki screamed like a girl.

"Good job Nathan." Isaac patted the boy's bright yellow hair. "I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes."

Nathan closed his eyes, and Isaac put the bandana on him. "Congratulations Nathan! You're a ninja!"

Nathan's happy yells could be heard for miles. He tackled his teacher and gave him a big hug.

"_Okay... this was far too long. We'll have to do a lot more cutting next episode."_

_Yes sir!" Minion One saluted, and rushed the edited episode to the broadcast station._

Well, this is the first episode... I'm not going to do a chapter every episode, but the first one needed to set the tone. Tell me if I should continue!


End file.
